Learning to Communicate

Yesterday I went to my first "Sign-a-long" class with my sweet boy.  I have to admit, it was pretty cool and I am excited to be learning sign language so that my little one can communicate with me before he has the ability to use words.  I'm sure it will be a little while before he actually puts the signs into practice, but hopefully seeing them each day he is going to be aware of what they are and then will use one when he's ready.

Communication.  Ed has this ability to silence our voice and we somehow lose the ability to communicate what it is we need.  Our needs become invisible and along the way we 'learn' that we don't get to ask for what we want, that our voice should not be heard.  Recovery is about re-learnign to communicate and ask for what we really need.  It's not easy, but just as my little one and I will learn slow and steady, that's just how it works in recovery.

So today maybe the key is to put one thing into practice.  Choose one thing that you know you want or need and ASK for it!  Yes, that sounds overwhelmingly scary and you probably think I'm crazy, but if you don't try you'll never know!  As you grow in confidence, you'll find that before long your ability to communicate as increased dramatically and along with it, the need for Ed diminishing.

What new "word" will you learn today?  Can't wait to hear!

Tiny Steps

I was so excited this morning.  My little man reached up for the first time to ask me to take him out of his crib.  And just to make sure it wasn't by chance, I put him back in and he did it again ..... and twice more since then!!  

As a mom, I get sooooooo excited by these little steps.  For my boy, they're big accomplishments and I love to celebrate his successes with him.

Why, as adults, do we forget to celebrate the steps we take.  In recovery, it is those small and minute steps forward that actually lead us to a healthier place but somehow we get so caught up in the bigger picture, that we forget to be excited.

So today I challenge you to celebrate the tiniest step where you've had success.  And I don't mean in a small way, but make it a BIG celebration!!  Go on, share it with us here so we can all cheer and clap for you;  maybe go buy yourself some flowers or that CD you've been wanting for the longest time.  You deserve it ..... that small step means progress!!!!

Here's to the small victories ..... I can't wait to see what my son does next and I also can't wait to hear about your successes!!!

But I don't want to!!!!!!

So today at school I had a conference with a parent and one of my 1st grade students.  Among many things, he shared with me that when we do math, he didn't want to have to draw the counters to solve his math problems like I asked.  When asked why, he told me that he already knew the answers and so didn't see the need!!

I took out one of his math papers and we looked at what he'd put as the answer.  He put that 2 + 4 equaled 7!  I then gave him a piece of paper and asked him to do the sum again, but this time drawing the counters under each number.  Of course, in doing this he then got the right answer!  

He wasn't happy that he's still going to have to 'show' how he solves the math problem, but he began to understand why I was asking him to do something and that perhaps, even though he'd hate doing it, it was worth listening and following through on my request!!

In early recovery, I was just like my student!!  I hated having to do things that in my mind were 'pointless'.  Often my team would make suggestions and I truly thought that they were ridiculous.  I'd fight them on having to follow through, and while I may say half-heartedly "ok, I'll try", the reality was that I knew I'd leave and would never follow through!

But, just like my student, I finally realized that maybe, just maybe, they knew what they were talking about!!  Perhaps the reason they were asking me to do something was because they had knowledge that it really could help!!  As I began to trust in them, as well as follow thru on what they were asking, I found that my successes grew!!

Recovery is not easy.  Often, my screaming rebel of a teenager liked to come out and throw a tantrum at what was being asked.  But if recovery was easy, it would be a simple and quick fix that we 'got' in a week!!

So this week I challenge you to be like my student. When you're asked to do something by your treatment team, instead of letting that little kid have the voice and be the one saying 'but why?????', take the risk and just go for it!!  Maybe it'll actually be a powerful experience that leads to a success against Ed!!!

Go on, you can do it!!!

Something Different

Recently I was talking about how in recovery at some point we have to make the decision to try something different, take that risk and jump of the cliff so to speak.

It's not easy and invariably, we tend to retreat back into the arms of Ed because that's what is familiar and what we feel 'safest' with.

Change, i.e. doing something different, is not easy.  If it were, we'd all find recovery a breeze and not have any trouble fighting Ed.  But the reality is that in order to find freedom, we have to take those tiny steps toward something different at some point.

What can you do differently today?  We're not talking giant leaps here!!!  What is one thing you are willing to 'try' in order to begin strengthening that recovery voice?

A few ideas could be:

• write a blog
• write a success in your journal and share it with someone
• make a phone call
• send an email
• delay using a behavior, even if it's only for 5 minutes
• write a response to this blog
• journal
• when Ed starts in with his tirade of negativity, find an upbeat song and sing along to it

Sure, your first reaction may be to cringe and say 'I could never do that' - but how do you know if you've never tried??  What is it they say ...... "if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got".

Make today the day you try something different.  You never know, maybe it will be an incredible success and something that you can see yourself using over and over again.

Doing something different - scary?  yes!!  Possible - ABSOLUTELY?  Willing to try?  Go on, I DARE you!!!

Change

Ugh!!  Even just reading the word 'change' sometimes can evoke a reaction that just makes you shudder!!  Change is not an easy thing and I don't think I know of anyone who jumps up and down with excitement at the thought of change in their life!

And yet the reality is that life is filled with change - sometimes planned, sometimes unexpected, and what I'm learning is that it is my approach to that change that can make it a disaster or an ok experience!!

So how do we handle change?  

Come on, I know you have ideas ....... and yes, beyond just 'bury your head in the sand and ignore it' view!!

Something that has helped me is switching my focus.  Change is scary because invariably there is a lack of control associated with it.  Change is often not something I've chosen and so that unknown is what makes it so overwhelming.  And so I try to switch my focus to the things that have stayed the same in my life as these are the things that give me stability.  For example, no matter what change is thrown my way, the love of my husband is a constant.  No matter what, I will always have the ability to write my gratitude list.  No matter what, I always have the ability to reach out and stay connected to my friends.

Now the key for me is whether I CHOOSE to remember that!!  LOL!!  Change has this knack of erasing my memory and I seem to forget that I have these tools in my tool box!!  But if I take a deep breath, stop and remind myself of all the things I DO have control over, then I can actually navigate my through change because I choose to do so.  Now that doesn't mean I like the change I'm facing, but at least I can navigate my way through it in a healthy way and without feeling like my life is never going to be the same again!!

What things help you when you're faced with change?  What successes have you had?  What makes it hard?

Let's brainstorm together - who knows, it may help someone else, but more importantly it will probably help you too!!

The gift of a mistake!!

This morning I took my dogs outside and as I looked over into my neighbor's garden, noticed that one of their sprinklers was broken.  Basically, the water was still coming out but instead of it going over the grass, it was aimed right into the lake behind them!  

For my neighbors, this was probably a source of frustration, never mind the fact that the lake certainly didn't need watering and so it was in many ways a waste!  BUT, then I noticed something that made me smile and reminded me that sometimes the worst mistakes are the greatest gifts!!

You see, under the sprinkle of water that was coming down sat 2 ducks.  They were in heaven as they enjoyed bathing in the water!  I couldn't help but smile as I realized that maybe the broken sprinkler was the biggest gift of all!

In recovery, when we slip or fall, the first voice we hear is invariably that of Ed's.  He loves to point out how we've made yet another mistake, how we are failures, and how we can just never get anything right.

Well, Ed is full of you know what!!!!

Just as those ducks benefited from a broken sprinkler, when we step back and reflect on the tumble we took, there is always a lesson buried underneath that can help us find greater understanding for the journey we're taking.  Sometimes those lessons are so small that they're hard to notice, but I know that if we take the time to reflect on what happened, we can always learn something.

And so the next time you turn to Ed, instead of beating yourself up for using a behavior, grab your journal instead.  Write about what happened and then look at whether there was something for you to learn.  Maybe you realized there was a point where you could have reached out for help, maybe you'll discover a pattern of behaviors that you'd never noticed before, or maybe you'll understand how all your emotional response to a situation had been shoved inside and perhaps next time you'll allow yourself to feel just a little.  Who knows?  Maybe you'll learn nothing, but I like to think that every thing that happens has a reason behind it and we just have to explore a little!

Here's to mistakes!  As I taught my 1st graders this week, mistakes are simply a different way for us to learn!  

Self-Care - UGH!!

As I wrote in some of the groups on the Ed Recovery Jax this morning, I headed to the 'self-care' group and my first response was 'UGH'.  Yup, even now, there's a part of me that hates to think about the importance of doing things just for me.  

This past week or so, I've been reminded of the importance of self-care.  There is a possibility my medical team are going to put me on bed rest and let's just say, I'm not too happy about it!!  However, as I realized that it was a true possibility, I decided this weekend I was going to do 'nothing' and give myself the gift of rest to see if it helped.

Well, let's just say I am not exactly the model patient!!  Laying still is not, and probably will never be my strength!!  In fact, when I told my friends at work, one of them simply burst out laughing and said 'now you on bed rest, that's something I have to see'!!!  

Yes, in theory, it sounds great being able to lay down and just watch tv, read a book, or do whatever I want so long as it doesn't involve getting off the sofa / bed.  But my brain didn't get the full message and so of course was thinking of all these other things I needed to be doing!!  In Ed days, the term he would have thrown around was that I was 'lazy'.  Well that's not the case, but interestingly it still felt like I was lazy as I watched those around me work and do everything.  The difference today is that I can recognize that I'm laying down because I'm supposed to and that it's helping my little one to continue growing healthily.

And so yes, self-care is kind of important.  Wherever you are in your life, be it pregnant like me, or working on your recovery, it is vital that you take care of you.  And the reality is that if I don't take care of myself, no-one else can do it for me!!

So here's to self-care and all that it may involve in the coming weeks.  I'm learning that acceptance is a lesson I apparently didn't 'get' and may have to take that class over as I come to accept what my medical team tell me!!!  But whatever their directions, I do know that I am willing to do whatever it takes and listen to them because I know I am not willing to even risk the alternative!