Something Different

Recently I was talking about how in recovery at some point we have to make the decision to try something different, take that risk and jump of the cliff so to speak.

It's not easy and invariably, we tend to retreat back into the arms of Ed because that's what is familiar and what we feel 'safest' with.

Change, i.e. doing something different, is not easy.  If it were, we'd all find recovery a breeze and not have any trouble fighting Ed.  But the reality is that in order to find freedom, we have to take those tiny steps toward something different at some point.

What can you do differently today?  We're not talking giant leaps here!!!  What is one thing you are willing to 'try' in order to begin strengthening that recovery voice?

A few ideas could be:

• write a blog
• write a success in your journal and share it with someone
• make a phone call
• send an email
• delay using a behavior, even if it's only for 5 minutes
• write a response to this blog
• journal
• when Ed starts in with his tirade of negativity, find an upbeat song and sing along to it

Sure, your first reaction may be to cringe and say 'I could never do that' - but how do you know if you've never tried??  What is it they say ...... "if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got".

Make today the day you try something different.  You never know, maybe it will be an incredible success and something that you can see yourself using over and over again.

Doing something different - scary?  yes!!  Possible - ABSOLUTELY?  Willing to try?  Go on, I DARE you!!!

Change

Ugh!!  Even just reading the word 'change' sometimes can evoke a reaction that just makes you shudder!!  Change is not an easy thing and I don't think I know of anyone who jumps up and down with excitement at the thought of change in their life!

And yet the reality is that life is filled with change - sometimes planned, sometimes unexpected, and what I'm learning is that it is my approach to that change that can make it a disaster or an ok experience!!

So how do we handle change?  

Come on, I know you have ideas ....... and yes, beyond just 'bury your head in the sand and ignore it' view!!

Something that has helped me is switching my focus.  Change is scary because invariably there is a lack of control associated with it.  Change is often not something I've chosen and so that unknown is what makes it so overwhelming.  And so I try to switch my focus to the things that have stayed the same in my life as these are the things that give me stability.  For example, no matter what change is thrown my way, the love of my husband is a constant.  No matter what, I will always have the ability to write my gratitude list.  No matter what, I always have the ability to reach out and stay connected to my friends.

Now the key for me is whether I CHOOSE to remember that!!  LOL!!  Change has this knack of erasing my memory and I seem to forget that I have these tools in my tool box!!  But if I take a deep breath, stop and remind myself of all the things I DO have control over, then I can actually navigate my through change because I choose to do so.  Now that doesn't mean I like the change I'm facing, but at least I can navigate my way through it in a healthy way and without feeling like my life is never going to be the same again!!

What things help you when you're faced with change?  What successes have you had?  What makes it hard?

Let's brainstorm together - who knows, it may help someone else, but more importantly it will probably help you too!!

The gift of a mistake!!

This morning I took my dogs outside and as I looked over into my neighbor's garden, noticed that one of their sprinklers was broken.  Basically, the water was still coming out but instead of it going over the grass, it was aimed right into the lake behind them!  

For my neighbors, this was probably a source of frustration, never mind the fact that the lake certainly didn't need watering and so it was in many ways a waste!  BUT, then I noticed something that made me smile and reminded me that sometimes the worst mistakes are the greatest gifts!!

You see, under the sprinkle of water that was coming down sat 2 ducks.  They were in heaven as they enjoyed bathing in the water!  I couldn't help but smile as I realized that maybe the broken sprinkler was the biggest gift of all!

In recovery, when we slip or fall, the first voice we hear is invariably that of Ed's.  He loves to point out how we've made yet another mistake, how we are failures, and how we can just never get anything right.

Well, Ed is full of you know what!!!!

Just as those ducks benefited from a broken sprinkler, when we step back and reflect on the tumble we took, there is always a lesson buried underneath that can help us find greater understanding for the journey we're taking.  Sometimes those lessons are so small that they're hard to notice, but I know that if we take the time to reflect on what happened, we can always learn something.

And so the next time you turn to Ed, instead of beating yourself up for using a behavior, grab your journal instead.  Write about what happened and then look at whether there was something for you to learn.  Maybe you realized there was a point where you could have reached out for help, maybe you'll discover a pattern of behaviors that you'd never noticed before, or maybe you'll understand how all your emotional response to a situation had been shoved inside and perhaps next time you'll allow yourself to feel just a little.  Who knows?  Maybe you'll learn nothing, but I like to think that every thing that happens has a reason behind it and we just have to explore a little!

Here's to mistakes!  As I taught my 1st graders this week, mistakes are simply a different way for us to learn!  

Self-Care - UGH!!

As I wrote in some of the groups on the Ed Recovery Jax this morning, I headed to the 'self-care' group and my first response was 'UGH'.  Yup, even now, there's a part of me that hates to think about the importance of doing things just for me.  

This past week or so, I've been reminded of the importance of self-care.  There is a possibility my medical team are going to put me on bed rest and let's just say, I'm not too happy about it!!  However, as I realized that it was a true possibility, I decided this weekend I was going to do 'nothing' and give myself the gift of rest to see if it helped.

Well, let's just say I am not exactly the model patient!!  Laying still is not, and probably will never be my strength!!  In fact, when I told my friends at work, one of them simply burst out laughing and said 'now you on bed rest, that's something I have to see'!!!  

Yes, in theory, it sounds great being able to lay down and just watch tv, read a book, or do whatever I want so long as it doesn't involve getting off the sofa / bed.  But my brain didn't get the full message and so of course was thinking of all these other things I needed to be doing!!  In Ed days, the term he would have thrown around was that I was 'lazy'.  Well that's not the case, but interestingly it still felt like I was lazy as I watched those around me work and do everything.  The difference today is that I can recognize that I'm laying down because I'm supposed to and that it's helping my little one to continue growing healthily.

And so yes, self-care is kind of important.  Wherever you are in your life, be it pregnant like me, or working on your recovery, it is vital that you take care of you.  And the reality is that if I don't take care of myself, no-one else can do it for me!!

So here's to self-care and all that it may involve in the coming weeks.  I'm learning that acceptance is a lesson I apparently didn't 'get' and may have to take that class over as I come to accept what my medical team tell me!!!  But whatever their directions, I do know that I am willing to do whatever it takes and listen to them because I know I am not willing to even risk the alternative!