Talk to a REAL person!!!

so I don't know if you've seen this commercial, but I loved it and totally wanted to re-make it as a commercial about why you should turn to your support folks instead of a scale to get reminded about your self-worth!!

You see, the reality is that just as a blender is not going to be able to help a customer walking into a dry cleaners, a scale is NEVER going to be able to help you when it comes to telling you how amazing you are!!  The scale is simply an appliance and its ability to be supportive is simply non existent!!

So next time you are tempted to step on the scale, think of this commercial and remember that you have an "Ally" in all the folks on here!!  

Here's to bashing that scale and refusing to let your self-worth be determined by it any more!!!

Learning to eat again!

So Sunday, I was blessed (not!!!) with getting a stomach virus.  Yup, around 6:30 pm it struck and it's been pretty rough since then.  Today is the first day that I actually have a little more energy and have managed to actually take a shower and get dressed!!

But, this blog is not about self-pity but in fact something completely different!!  You see, when getting a stomach virus, the last thing you are able to handle is food.  When living with Ed, this would have been something to celebrate, but in recovery I hate that my body is not able to get the nutrition it needs.  Even more so, being pregnant I had a slight freak out that it would be harmful to my little one - good news is that all is well!!

Today I finally took a risk and began to eat more solid food.  It reminded me in many ways of learning to eat again in early recovery.  I was scared - simply because I didn't want to get sick again!!  But, even though there may have been fear, the reality was that at some point I had to just take that leap and go for it!!  It's baby steps today.  There won't be any 3-course meals any time soon, but I also know that my body truly appreciated getting some nutrition that will allow me to heal and get my strength back.

Recovery is about sometimes just taking that leap.  Sure, there is always going to be fear to hold us back, but eventually we have to decide whether we want to stay in a state of fear permanently, or try something different that could lead us to a better place.

So as I take small steps in the next day or so, walk them with me!!  Take that risk of trying something new ..... you never know where it will take you!!

Starting the day right!!

Morgan and Cara, my sweet dogs, have got this figured out!!

I love summer!!  I don't love it because of the heat, I don't love it because of being able to go to the beach more.  No, I love it because I get to start my mornings in such great way ..... no time frame, relaxing on my patio, and just enjoying some quiet and serenity before I decide what to do!!

A favorite quote of mine has always been "the person with the most recovery is the person who got up the earliest".  I love it because it reminds me that this day is a brand new day and whatever happened yesterday is gone, and today I get to start recovery all over again!!  One mornings where I sit on my patio, listening to the birds, just looking at the peace that surrounds me, it's hard to imagine choosing anything but recovery!   Yes, as another quote says, I can choose to say "Good god, morning or Good morning God".  

So even if you don't have the luxury of sitting outside this morning, there's still something you can do to start your day off with a recovery thought.  Perhaps you can listen to a favorite recovery song on the way to work, maybe you can write down an affirmation to start your day, or perhaps take 5 minutes to have your coffee while reading your daily devotional.  Whatever it is, I know for me that when I start my day off with recovery at the front, Ed doesn't stand a chance!!

Recovery isn't easy ......

..... that's the reality!!  Recovery is NOT easy and as much as I wish I could sit here and say that it is, I'd be as much as a lier as Ed if I was to tell you that it is!!

However, what I realized on my journey was at some point I had to make a solid commitment to recovery because otherwise Ed was going to win every time.  Wow, that was tough to do for sure!!  You see, I was willing to commit to recovery ...... but still had some 'terms' in there!  For example, 'I want recovery, but I don't want to gain the weight';  "I want recovery, but it's ok if I use a behavior when I have a stressful day", or "I want recovery and I'll 'try' to use my tools, but it's hard".  "Try" became my word that meant I'd think about it, but knew I was never really going to follow through on - but at least it sounded like I might!!

Working through the crap of my past, the depression, the trauma, fighting the OCD, and all those other labels I could add to the list, well it was far from easy.  But I added to the struggle if I didn't choose recovery each day.  My mantra of "no ifs, no buts, NO OPTION" came from there because I knew that no matter how shitty my day was, if I wanted recovery - truly wanted it, I had to do whatever it took to fight back against Ed.  

Some days were more successful than others and often I found that I returned to Ed.  But the more I was willing to actually follow my meal plan, 100% including snacks, the more I was willing to avoid that scale and do whatever it took to keep myself off it, well that's when the recovery voice started to grow from a silent partner to a whisper and eventually a screaming voice back at Ed.

And so I guess my encouragement is that recovery is NEVER going to be easy.  If it was, we'd all be recovered by the end of today!!  But at some point in the journey, we have to ask ourselves if we are truly ready to fight back and do whatever it takes to fight Ed and his entourage of labels.  If our answer that morning is we choose recovery, then no matter how tough it gets, we have to be willing to use those tools we have in our box, to pick up the phone before turning to a behavior, and following that meal plan no matter what.

Trust me.  I was not the 'perfect' student on this journey and I fell flat on my face many times!!  I often chose Ed over recovery and there was no judgement, it simply was my choice that day.  But I had to own it because then I could take responsibility for the choices I made from there.

My way with Ed was never going to work.  When I had my 'conditions' in place, recovery was never going to be mine.  I had to be willing to do whatever it took and let go of it all.

What are you going to choose today?  It's not easy, but what I can tell you is that if you choose recovery today, I will do whatever it takes to support you in your fight against Ed.  Why?  Because I know that a life in recovery is worth all the pain and tears I had to fight through and I KNOW you can get there too!!